Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Rape of Trnova

Excerpt from the interview with Three-Eyed Pavol, headman and sole survivor of the border colony of Trnova. As recounted by the scribe of Bohdan, under-senschal to Raugraf Androj Animachus the Younger.

Bohdan: Again from the beginning of the attack, itself. Surely, man, you can't still be drunk? It's been over a day since you've received the hospitality of my most puissant and gracious master.

Pavol: Dzzeruphenated.

[Bohdan slaps the hollow-eyed beet-red headman soundly across the face with the handle of his horse-whip.]

Pavol: Sweet jabberin' black goat of the thousand hills, you overshtufed popinjay! I tolds you what I knows.

Bohdan: Again or I shall reapply the supplications of my whip.

Pavol: It twas earl in the morn and I was sounding out the sturdiness of my tuber-cellar.

Bohdan [impatiently cuts in]: yes, yes you were inebriated and passed out from the debauched rites of your borderlands pagan rites of the night before. [Shudders and makes a two-fingered counter-swirling sign of the Sun Lord as practiced by the Reformed Orthodox Seventh Lodge.] Just what happened man.

Pavol: There was a screamin' and a yellin' something fierce. I armed myself fir battle with an over-large chleb-root and bravely strode out to meet the enemy.

But them was a quick buggers—and furry. A pack of wolves I tell you but like men. They were up on two legs and all a hollerin' and a hootin' between their big wolf fangs. And they were making a right bloody mess o' the colony village. Killin' and a hackin' away. If it hadn't been for that Svat-cursed malplaced cellar beam, I would have whip 'em a-plenty.

Bohdan: yes, yes, you craven drunken imbecile, you knocked yourself senseless running into it. But how do you account for a complete massacre of every inhabitant? And the failure of them to lift away the pay coffers and other valuables from Trnova? Are the Brazonians that daft and bloodthirsty?

[End excerpt]

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